


his best friend, his only friend

by led_lights



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, First Crush, Flashbacks, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friends to Lovers, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Rey, Jedi Training, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Lightsaber Battles, Minor Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), References to Depression, Reylo - Freeform, Teenage Dorks, The Force, Vignette, Young Ben Solo, Young Love, Young Rey, ben solo and his many emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-04-26 15:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14404965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/led_lights/pseuds/led_lights
Summary: Ben and Rey, both a little different from the other padawans, find friends in one another from a young age. However, Ben soon realizes it's a bit more complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drew this picture of a 15 y/o ben and 13 y/o Rey and wanted to try my hand at a fanfic.   
> Basically they are two weird loners in whatever lush planet the rebellion goes to when there are no problems at all (plz give me a suggestion and I will be eternally grateful) and both strong in the force. Also Rey is the adopted (I think?) daughter of Jyn and Cassian, who are alive bc they SHOULD BE!!!!! (I got that idea from the Of the Seasons series which I'm obsessed with!!!!!)  
> Anyway, I just love these two as pure teenagers.  
> I'll probably skip in time in a few chapters but for now they are sweet lil weirdos. I love em.

Fifteen. He had been fifteen for two weeks when he first noticed her eyes.  
They had always been there, but he had finally noticed them. They were always moving everywhere; expressive and honest, never hiding how she felt. They were the prettiest things he had ever seen, glimmering bright green. He was enthralled.  
It was two weeks after his warm June birthday that Ben Solo began to look at Rey, and he never could quite stop.

They were sitting outside by the stream near the Solo estate, dripping from the cool of the water. It was a warm afternoon in July and Ben and Rey, tired from their morning lessons, had walked down the path to where the water was. They did this frequently during the summers; it was a quiet respite from the demands of their world of being young, talented jedis.  
They had only started their training the previous fall, and though Rey was two years younger than Ben, she was matched in skill and taught alongside him. Her parents, Jyn and Cassian, had wept with joy when their daughter began to show signs of the force. They had been close friends with the Skywalker family since their days as rebels, and had raised their adopted daughter with no pressure to be anything, but had always known she was special.  
Ben sat against a tree, watching Rey lie down peacefully in the grass a few feet away. He noted her peacefulness. She had matured quite a bit over the year; at first she was his annoying competitor, always besting him despite his age, and blatantly bragging about it, but now she was his friend. His best friend, and really only friend. They had been near one another since she was adopted, but they had really clicked since they began training together. The other young pupils were preoccupied, usually in their own group, not interested in the moody, quiet, tall, boy or the loud, odd, small girl. They found a friend in each other, and could now hardly be separated.  
Rey suddenly bolted up, excitement in her eyes. "Ben! My everlily!" She grinned, jumping up. "Come on, it's been two weeks, I almost forgot! I'm sure it's bloomed by now!"  
She pulled on his lanky arm and began to run down the path near her family's home, only a mile away. Ben smiled as they ran. He was excited, too. She had been given the expensive seeds as a gift from her father after he returned from a mission and she had waited patiently for weeks for the flower to sprout, much less bloom. Impatient as she was, Ben reminded her that she'd be more excited if she saw a dramatic change, so she had waited for two week periods to check back.  
"My father said that they are some of the most expensive flowers in the galaxy! I was thinking of crystalizing it and sewing it to my robes, to add some color. Jessika said I need more color," Rey babbled along as they ran, catching her breath between words. She glanced over to him, dressed in his dark brown robes. "I think you do too. What is your favorite color, anyway? You know mine's green."  
"Uhh, I don't know. I guess, um, blue?" He said, panting, as he couldn't run as fast as she could. He had yet to fill out, and was currently tall and awkward.  
"I can see that," she said matter-of-factly. She didn't explain.  
"Why?"  
"Oh, I don't know. You just are kinda blueish. My mother said blue is the calmest color."  
"I don't feel too calm,"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I uh, um, it doesn't matter. I think you're green."  
Rey frowned at him as they continued to run but stayed silent. As they finally approached the garden near her home, Rey leapt to the special patch. In the grass grew a small group of beautiful purple flowers, with dark stems and light blossoms. They weren't fully bloomed yet, but enough that they had a deep floral smell that wafted from a few feet away.  
Rey sat on her ankles, peering down at the flowers, heaving and grinning, almost teary at their beauty.  
Ben kneeled next to her, and as he looked into her face, he saw the most passionate, loving expression on his friend's face. He saw beauty. Rey was beautiful. How had he not noticed before? But of all, he noticed her eyes as she turned to him and said something of their beauty. Her eyes were so alive, he couldn't stop staring into them. He had always thought they were brown, but he now noticed they were green in the middle. Green like her.  
He gazed at her, and flushed when she asked, "is there something on my face?"  
He quickly looked away and muttered no, blushing harder. She looked again at the flowers and he couldn't help but turn back in her direction. He didn't think he would ever stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment!!! thanks for taking time to read. You rock!!!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

After the day in the garden, Ben walked home hastily, unable to converse regularly when she had suggested they go inside to see her parents, and faking a stomach ache. He never said much, anyway, but he felt so odd all of the sudden. How was he supposed to act around Rey now? Were they still friends? Of course. He was certain, however, she already knew something had changed; he was terrible at concealing any emotion whatsoever. When he got home around dusk, he went straight to his room and laid down on his bed, hands on his forehead, confused.  
He at first thought he was having a panic attack (something he had begun to experience that came with teenagedom, partly why he had disagreed with Rey's assertion he was "calm"), because his stomach felt queasy and he was sweaty and panting, but he knew better from years of observation and reading that he must be attracted to her. This was no surprise--he was very self-aware--but he had never felt this way toward anyone. Unable to relate to or understand most of his peers, he hadn't felt anything when the girls his age began to grow into their beauty and wear perfume. He was worried at first; his parents were very open about love and wanted their isolated son to be in love with everyone and everything. But he soon dismissed that anxiety, figuring he would experience love someday, and chastity was a trait of a Jedi anyway. His uncle had never married, and was one of the most focused, peaceful, collected men he knew. Certainly more than his father.  
And today, it had finally come. He had once heard that if someone was deprived of something, that when it came it came all at once. His father had said "that's what she said," and laughed it off, but Ben held onto it. He understood that sentiment today. He had never liked a girl before, and now he felt like he might die if she wasn't married to him by the end of the night. This was incredibly irrational, he knew, but he couldn't stop thinking about her.  
He had to get it out some way, and not wanting to talk to anyone, he unscrewed his bottle of ink and dipped his brush, tapping it before writing in his worn leather-bound book:

'I am in love with Rey.' He writes, then scratches out, replacing it with 'I really like Rey all of the sudden. In more than a friend way.'  
Well, I don't know. I just never noticed how beautiful she is before. She is the prettiest thing I have ever seen! I can't stop thinking about her after what happened today. She was so excited about that flower, I don't think I'd ever get very excited about a flower, but she was. She is so much faster than me. I don't even mind. She was in tears over that flower, and I couldn't stop looking at her.  
I've always known she's pretty, but I don't know, it's like her soul is beautiful. She is so happy and loving all of the time. I don't know how we're friends. I'm sad or bored and indifferent to everyone. Well, except her. And I guess now more so. Either way, I think it's making me panic. I'll probably be writing more now.  
-Ben

Underneath, he draws a pair of eyes. He's never been a good artist, and they are far from realistic, but they still capture the energy that he felt today resonating from Rey's eyes. He doesn't have any paints but might have to get some just to color the eyes. He resolves to ask his mother about some the next day, for a vague project she needs to know nothing about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that was short, but I like writing in little pieces. I'm just writing experimentally for now; I've deleted my past two fics because I felt unsatisfied. So I'm just trying this out. I don't know much about technical aspects of Star Wars so sorry there isn't much to that/ it seems unrealistic. I just feel like it takes a lot of work to explain the context of a modern AU. But this doesn't have much context either.. oh well! Anyway, I hope you like it. I'd do ten backflips if you commented! (Please comment!!!!!!!! Even hate mail I just want feedback!)
> 
> Have a great night. I <3 my moody boyfriend Ben Solo


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. What does Jedi Training really mean actually? Do they study literature or learn history? bc i hate writing any sort of action, so this jedi academy might be more humanities driven in future chapters lol.  
> Anyway, enjoy!

The problem with experiencing romantic attraction, as Ben began to find, was that it made social interaction much harder than it already was.  
Ben liked Rey more than he could put into words (he loved her but could not admit it, he was fifteen anyway), but had not told a soul. He had contemplated telling his mother, but decided she might patronize him or tell someone. So he kept to himself. This did not, however, mean that he was hiding all of it.  
He had a terribly telling personality and had never been good at concealing his feelings. Literally, maybe he could, because he never talked much, but emotions flowed out of him like a river released from a dam. When he was angry, his knuckles turned white and his jaw clenched; when he was sad, his eyes became heavy and he trembled to himself. As he became more adept with using the force, he could block some of it from reaching other force users, but before he could, his uncle and even his mother felt his emotions heavily throughout the day.  
His feelings only grew as he entered adolescence. As a boy, he was affectionate and quietly compassionate to everyone, but experienced fits frequently and became upset quickly over struggles with other children.  
His mother recalled a time when a twelve-year-old Poe Dameron had playfully teased seven-year-old Ben for never having flown on his own (Dameron, a prodigy, had started lessons earlier that year). He clearly meant no harm, as no one expected a small child to fly a plane, regardless of his lineage. But Ben was mortified, and tried to sneak a joyride on the Millenium Falcon. His father caught him unable to reach the controls, angrily crying in the cockpit.  
Poe apologized, not meaning any harm, but Ben held on to his teasing for years, and even now, Ben fifteen and Poe twenty and still the kind, charming person he was, Ben resented him. He even had suspicions that Poe was his mother's favorite over him (he was practically her adopted son), but his mother frowned when he brought that up.  
Ben's emotions had become a new beast with puberty; his temper tantrums became violent and almost dangerous, and his bad days seemed like the world was ending. Because of this, he had taken to meditation upon his Uncle's suggestion. Luke was afraid that Ben's negative energy had darker potential, and wanted him to channel his feelings into positive power.  
But meditation had been a treatment of anger and despair; he was clueless on how he would deal with his new insurmountable feelings of embarassment and awkwardness. 

The next day, the young padawans gathered in their training space, lightsabers in hand, ready for the morning's dueling. Luke instructed everyone to pair up, and usually Ben and Rey fought together, but this morning Ben was fearful to even speak to her. He would have preferred to continue staring from a distance indefinitely.  
He looked around, fretting to find a different partner, but everyone had been in established pairs for months. "Ben!" he heard, behind him.  
He turned around, red-faced and eyes moving nervously. Rey had the tiniest bit of disappointment on her face, but was mainly teasing. "Are you already sick of me?" She twirled her purple saber in her wrist, a mischevious grin as she lunged forward, expecting him to block it. Instead, Ben just stood there, unsure what to do (her eyes and her hair and everything about her were just so distracting), and she grazed the side of his brown robe, singing the cloth. He jumped, startled, and dropped his blue lightsaber.  
Rey dropped her saber, shocked, and touched his side, terrified she had hurt him. "Are you okay?" She loudly asked. Her beautiful--and distracting--green eyes stared at him earnestly, as well as the eyes of the other children around them, who heard Rey's commotion.  
"Y-yes, sorry," he said, sheepishly avoiding her gaze. "I think my robe is toast, but I'm fine." He muttered.  
Rey nodded, and picked up Ben's saber, which belonged to his grandfather before him, placing it in his hand, placing her hand over his and lightly squeezing. He met her eyes, which still harbored a glint of mischief, and, feeling confident, powering the saber, swung at her and they began to duel.  
Ben bested Rey in physical terms, as he was six foot two and towered over her four foot nine frame that had not yet had a growth spurt. Yet she was far faster and skillful, able to easily block his blows whenever they faught. She also had started to show signs of graceful combat, giving Master Luke glimpses of the powerful and dexterous Jedi she would someday become. On regular days, Ben had the upper hand in height and strength, and Rey in skill and speed. Today, however, was not a regular day.  
Ben, finding newfound yet unfounded confidence, over-reached the blow and was quickly knocked on the floor by a deft block and counter-blow from his opponent. As he lay back on the ground, the padawans around them snickered, glad to see the prince defeated so easily.  
But Rey felt even more sorry, confused why her equal was so off balance. She helped him up from the grass, red-faced at the praise around her that she so desperately wanted to escape.  
Ben, mortified twice, was almost in tears at how embarassingly he acted around Rey, who he hadn't felt feelings for for twenty-four hours yet.  
Luckily, his Uncle finally began the real lesson, coralling the group back to him. He signaled through the force to Rey and Ben to go get a drink of water; they needed a break.  
Rey and Ben awkwardly walked to the shaded area where their canteens waited.  
"I thought the day I knocked you on your butt within seconds would make me happy, but I feel really sorry. I didn't mean to embarass you, I thought you'd swing back." She took a drink.  
"Yeah," Ben stared into the dark, cool hole of the bottle. "I'm just a little distracted today," he cleared his throat, before breaking into a loud coughing fit. Rey kept back laughter.  
"Why are you distracted today?" Her eyes grew wide. "Do you know something I don't? Have my parents been telling you secrets?"  
"What? No. Iy uhh, can't tell you." He swallowed and looked anywhere but at her. They drank in silence.  
"Well, okay. I hope you get over it, because I prefer to have an even partner," she said, cheekishly smiling. She elbowed him, screwed her canteen closed, and walked back to the group, wiping the water from her mouth.  
Ben exhaled facing away, shutting his eyes tightly. He was a mess. Poor Rey would have to be confused forever if he didn't fix his terrible awkwardness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a pride and prejudice super nerd, and I love the horrible awkwardness Austen conveys, especially in the scene where Darcy visits Elizabeth at Hunsford before his infamous proposal, and they literally sit there in silence because he's so awkward.  
> I can't HELP but see a little bit of Darcy/Lizzy in Rey and Ben, and I'd like to capitalize on that brutal awkwardness in this.  
> Ok also, do you guys think I should make this more plot-driven or just little vignettes? Let me know.  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three year time jump!

Sixteen. Rey was sixteen when she finally learned the meaning behind the dark, brooding eyes that followed her intently at every minute.

Jyn Erso walked up the stairs leading to her daughter's room. Today was the day; the young padawans would face their final test of the academy before finally joining the rebel cause to restore order to the galaxy. Rey felt a bit of pressure.  
Jyn tapped lightly at the door, and when she heard no resistance, entered. Rey was sitting cross-legged on her colorful rug in the center of her room, wearing only her undershhorts and wrappings, preparing her hair for the day. Without turning, she calmly said "good morning,"  
"Good morning, Stardust," Jyn smiled at her daughter, sitting across from her on the floor. "The regular, or something different?"  
Rey, combing through her hair, frowned. "I can't decide. I feel like I should wear something special, but I've worn my hair like this for the entirety of my training. I don't want any bad luck."  
"Show me new," Jyn gestured toward her hair. Rey began to braid her hair intricately in two directions, spiraling around each other and tying into a tall bun. The style was complicated, but more sophisticated than the three buns she had worn since childhood. She transformed into a beautiful young woman before her mother's eyes that Jyn's eyes watered. "New. Go with new," she said, crying.  
"Mama! Why are you crying?" Rey laughed, wiping the tears away.  
"I'm just so proud of you, you're so beautiful and you've accomplished so much!" Jyn embraced her daughter, laughing along with her. After a moment, Rey pulled away, and holding her mother's face, smiled brightly. She stood up and reached for her robes, freshly washed for the special day. She was dressed in a blueish gray tunic, lighter grey pants with a brown belt. "Ready?" She said to her mother. They walked down the stairs.  
Cassian Andor, Rey's father, was busily cooking a batch of Panna cakes for the family's morning meal. "Good morning, girls. How are we feeling?" He sat down with them at the breakfast table, arms crossed. Rey nervously smiled. "Scared, but excited. Hungry!" She teased. Cassian put his hands up, pleadingly, "Okay, okay! They're almost ready." As he went to check, Jyn poured glasses of milk. "What are you scared about?"  
Rey shrugged. "Eh, I'm afraid Master Luke will pull something on me, or Ben will get sick, or I'll forget everything I've ever learned, really just anything going wrong." She sighed. "I don't want to fail."  
Jyn shook her head. "You won't fail. You are one of the most talented pupils, and so is Ben. You two will be fine."  
Rey nodded, drinking a sip of milk. She and Ben had trained together for three years now, and improved drastically from their earlier days. They were now seasoned fighters and extremely adept in the force. A year into training, their force bond had opened, and they were linked together more than ever. Rey trusted Ben more than anyone, even her own parents. Although they weren't very well-liked by the other padawans for their natural talent and tendencies to withdraw, they were highly revered by Luke, who had predicted that they ould one day do extraordinary things together. But Rey was still apprehensive, because sometimes Ben would lose control of himself, and fell, or lashed out, or even fainted. She knew he kept very tight control over himself--he meditated twice a day daily--but sometimes everything fell apart. She wasn't sure why; he had strongly blocked that part of his mind from her, but she was afraid he would lose himself today for some reason.  
She reached out for him, and saw him sitting in his room, writing in a journal, dressed in his dark grey robes, hair freshly combed. He looked calm. She took a deep breath. Today would be excellent.  
Her father set a steaming panna cake in front of her, the smell wafting to her nose ferociously. The family ate happily, discussing the day's events and their dreams from the night before.  
Rey felt confident and assured, and wowed her parents with her dream of a far away land where everyone was blind.

-

Ben Solo sat on his bed, preparing for one of the most important days of his life. At eighteen and the son of legends and royalty, he felt the weight of galaxies on him. He was definitely prepared, and had been for months, but he was afraid; he felt a darkness looming around him. He couldn't tell what it was, or why, but he felt off-balance that morning. His uncle knew about the pull he felt toward the dark, but after years of meditation, he had been able to keep it at bay. He thanked Rey the most, for her pure light had never allowed him to falter yet.  
Rey. His feelings for her had only grown stronger. His days of denying his love were long over; he would scream it from the cliffs if he felt he could. But he could never tell her. Not, at least, until they were older and on their own. He was so afraid she would reject him, and the peace between their families would end. But that was really only an excuse. He was a coward, too afraid to tell his closest friend that he loved her.  
He had come close to telling her a few times, in a game of truth-or-dare (which he despised), or, more recently, in a drunken state at a party hosted by the young resistance pilots. But he had luckily realized what he was doing, and trailed off before he revealed himself.  
She had also come close to discovering, in the early days of their force bond. He had hastily placed walls around his feelings toward her, sad to hide any part of his heart from her but too embarassed to let her know. Still, he was surprised she had not had suspicions. Although more controlled now, he still was an emotionally open person, not to mention that she had seen his journals many times before, and Ben in dreams was far less inhibited. When they found each other in their dreams, he had touched her arms, and said things he never would awake. She had once asked him what he meant by it during the day, and he claimed to not know.  
And today, their partnership would be cemented as a great one, when they would both become Jedis and continue Luke's legacy.  
He sat on his bed, and wrote, 

"Darkness rises around me, but light to meet it."

He drew two lightsabers, parallel to each other, and colored them purple and blue.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile, I'd love to keep writing but I've been busy with school so updates might be sporadic. Thank you so much to everyone who's read, commented, and left kudos!! You guys are so sweet. 
> 
> I realized I never really followed up on the thesis, if you will, of the last chapter, so here's some more explanation!
> 
> Oh, also, I've been listening to a LOT of Sufjan Stevens lately, especially when writing this, because his songs are nostalgic and moody sounding but also just kinda pure, and they remind me of what I hope this story to kinda be like. Anyway, he has the voice of an angel. The fact that he was the sountrack to call me by your name literally broke my soul in half. 
> 
> ALSO are there porgs on whatever planet we're on? did I ever even establish a planet?? who kNOWS
> 
> Okay. Enjoy!!!

Within the next hour, Ben distractedly flew through his morning routine: brushing his hair, applying sunscreen, drinking a cup of caf and eating a single piece of toast, and feeding the porgs that lived in a nest in his backyard. As he filled his canteen and checked his hair in the mirror one last time, his mother came to stand behind him, peering over over his shoulder, as she was at least a foot shorter than her son. She hugged him, and he flinched but smiled and reached her arm.   
He turned around to face her.  
"Are you ready for today, Benjamin?" she said sternly, in her general voice.   
He chuckled, and nodded.   
Her face softened, and she kissed his cheek and smiled. "I know you are."

Ben walked to the temple alone, with his saber, canteen, and journal in his tan pack. It was still relatively early; their test would begin formally around midday, but he wanted to arrive sooner to meditate and warm up, and to talk to Rey. Through the forested scenic route he usually took, he felt closer to the force than anywhere else, it seemed. The nature, the trees, the stream, the creatures full of life seemed so natural to him in their setting. They fit in so perfectly. He had never really felt that sense of belonging, even after living on the sprawling capital planet of the rebellion for nearly his whole life. He longed to just ~be~ in a place, and not worry about what others thought of him or if he was too tall.   
His mother and father were some of the most charismatic, charming people in the galaxy. The former princess had climbed the ranks and taken full command of the rebellion, along with his father, the dashing pirate-turned-war-hero who now led the aero division of the academy, training young pilots to defend the light. And yet, their only son, Ben, was quiet, pensive, and introverted. As a younger boy, he had harbored the elitist tendencies of technically being a prince, much to the resentment of the other children and his parents. But as he had gotten older, he came to realize that royalty was only a title, and Alderaan was still blown up anyway. Yet aside from his highbrowed younger days, he did not seem to be a Organa-Skywalker-Solo child. He sometimes thought of the stories and legends of his grandfather before his fall to the darkness; how he had felt the same alienation and disallusionment at times, which gave him some comfort. He wasn't adopted, or secretly the son of the other man, as he had sometimes been afraid of as a child.   
Today, achieving Jedi Knighthood would fulfill him, he hoped. Although it was a family legacy, he had never doubted he was meant to be a force user.   
He hoped today would cement he and Rey as partners, distancing him from any expectations he had been bound to as a child.  
His thoughtful walk had been interrupted when he heard running behind him, and suddenly Parren Winslo, another hopeful knight, was in front of him, dressed in light blue tight-fitting pants and a cropped sleeveless shirt. "Hey Ben!" she said, breathlessly.   
Ben, hesitatingly, greeted her, and continued to walk, as she followed him.   
"I was just going for a jog to get out my nerves for today. Are you nervous?"   
"Uh... I guess. I'm just trying to stay focused." He looked into the forest, unsettled by her presence. Though he had almost always been terribly cruel toward his looks, he could recognize that he had grown into himself, his face becoming almost handsome in a non-traditional way, especially thanks to his hair (which he didn't mind so much) and his easily-built muscle thanks to years of training. Though he tried not to gossip (he found it distracting), he couldn't help but overhear the girls in the academy whispering about him. He had really only cared to know if Rey listened to their gossiping, hoping she would agree that his 'arms were carved from marble' (a terrible overstatement) or that 'his eyes were terribly seductive.' He cringed every time he remembered that one.   
He wasn't sure what Parren thought, but either way she made him uncomfortable. People had that effect on him.   
"Are you going to still be partners with Rey if you two both become knights?" She pulled her hair into two buns as she walked. "You two seem to be unseperable."  
Ben thought he detected a sardonic trace in her tone, but he answered honestly, "we work very well together. Plus, the bond really helps connect us."  
"MmmHmm, so how long have you been in love with her?" She casually continued walking, but ben stopped in his tracks, ears bright red.  
"What?" he said, trying to sound unamused, but very concerned. He had thought she was going to separate them to use his skills (he clearly overestimated his appeal), but not that she would question his relationship. He was stunned.  
"Ben, you're clearly in love with her, She's definitely the only one who can't tell."  
"I sure hope so!" His ire was rising. How could Parren be so calm about this? Perhaps she found him amusing; he wasn't too amused.  
"Of course. I knew it. You don't say anything ever, but you're so obvious. You know, others of us have crushes. You can talk to us. We can be friends."  
He sighed. "Yeah, I just don't... uh... like, most of you. Not to be rude. You seem like a very kind person, I'm just not a social type."  
Parren shrugged. "Wow, well, I am going to have to set you two up."   
"Wait, what? No--" Parren sprinted away before he could stop her.   
"Kriff!" He shouted. His secret, the foundation of his relationship with Rey--that was currently very peaceful right now, thank you--was apparently common knowledge. Would Parren tell her? What would Rey do? Would she laugh at him? Would her parents be angry? Would their partnership die? What if he never became a Jedi Master? Or worse, what if he never got Her?   
Ben felt panic racing in his body, and the world began to spin, and his heart rate started beating terribly quickly. He collapsed to the ground, tears flowing uncontrollably as he sat in the middle of the forest. He felt his whole secure life falling to shambles. All because of a vague comment made by a self-posessed Padawan. He felt the urge to run after her--he'd surely catch up--and make her swear to not say anything.   
Yet he was paralyzed with fear. He felt Rey prodding into his consciousness, probably feeling his panic too. "Ben? Are you okay?" She was suddenly before him, standing a few feet away. She crouched before him, wiping the tears off his cheek. "What happened?"  
"N-nothing. Just, please leave me alone. I just kinda freaked out. I'm okay."  
"Oh, okay, well, I'm going to the temple right now, will I see you there?"  
"Yeah. Just give me a minute," Ben averted her gaze, taking a sip of water from his canteen.   
She was gone. 

Rey, worried for Ben, immediately began to run in the direction of the Temple, an easy walk if she was fast. She was worried this would happen, that he would panic from the pressure of the day. Rey was generally far more calm than Ben, but felt what he felt, and knew when it was bad. If she prodded into his mind, she could feel a tiny piece of longing and hearbreak, but she couldn't feel it enough to examine it. He had no romantic love in his life, as far as she knew, so it was mysterious.   
When she arrived at the temple, the female padawans were chatting loudly, as usual, and she went to them, hoping to hear something about Ben.   
The girls quieted when she approached, and she could sense they had been talking about her. She frowned at them, especially Parren Winslo, snickering, and doing a bad job at hiding it.   
"Spit it out, Winslo. What is it? Is Ben okay?" Her voice broke, she was worried they were making fun of his anxiety, perceiving it as a weakness. Ben was far from weak.   
"Yes, yes, he's okay as far as I know. But he might be better if he found you."  
Rey frowned harder. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Come on, Rey. Is it not obvious?"  
Rey reddened, worried she knew her meaning. "What?"  
"Ben is in LOVE with you." The girls broke into grins, not malicious ones, but a bit mocking. Rey's eyes widened.  
"What?" She repeated. Her stomach flipped. Oh no. What would this do to them?  
"He loves you! It's so obvious. He told me this morning." She seemed extremely casual for this kind of revelation.   
"What? W-why did he tell you? Did he want you to tell me?"  
"Well, no, but, I mean, it was going to come out at some point."  
Rey was angry now. "You weren't supposed to tell me? Well, that's probably why he had a panic attack in the middle of the woods!"  
Parren frowned. "What?"  
"Yeah, I came here to find out if he was okay, and clearly he isn't!" Her voice broke again, and she was tearing up with her words. Poor Ben. Maker, their luck. On all days.  
She stormed away from the group, crying.  
She had to talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor space babes! They care SO MUCH ABOUT EACH OTHER !!!!!!!!!! EVEN IN TLJ ITS SO OBVIOUS!!!
> 
> P.s sorry for roasting Ben's/Adam Driver's face; it's one of my biggest pet peeves in fanfic when everyone always talks about how Ben/Kylo is ugly but has a hot bod????? Like honey what?? have you seen Adam Driver??? ya boy is FINE!!!!!   
> I did that more to communicate teenage insecurity and self loathing, something we all probably know. 
> 
> Freaking Parren. She's an original character, I hope you can picture her in your head. I have a very specific image of her. I'm not too crazy about her if u can tell. Breaking my babies' hearts? Not today bitch!
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed. LMK if you have any questions/concerns/comments etc.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More music: Father John Misty. sooooooooooo gorgeous. 
> 
> Happy May 4th!

Rey walked in the direction of the beaten path to the temple, the one she knew Ben to frequent. She could sense him nearby, but when she reached out to him she couldn't get him. She was crying and coughing as she tripped over stones and roots in the ground. She was angry; angry at Parren for being so inconsiderate, angry at Ben for hiding such a big bart of himself from her, angry at herself for causing him the anxiety, and for being so oblivious.   
The brooding stares, the quick glances away, the flushed cheeks, the clumsiness, it all made so much sense now. Ben had loved her, for years she supposed, and she had never quite figured it out. Sure, she had considered it, but he didn't seem like the romantic type to her; his thoughts had never been arduous, but she now realized he had blocked those feelings from her. Her mother had even suggested he liked her when she struggled to understand why he had been so nervous all the time, a few weeks after his fifteenth birthday. She had been mortified at the thought, still in the stage of embarassment over boys. At the time she had harbored a crush on Finn, the hopeful battle strategist a year older than her. She had told no one, afraid of him finding out. It baffled her that all this time she had been that for Ben.   
She wasn't sure what to do with the information, either. It was such a surprise, but even under less tense circumstances she would be at a loss for what to do. She thought he was handsome, it was undeniably true, and he certainly was a person she respected and trusted with her life, but to love him? She didn't know what that would be like. They were only kids, after all.   
She pushed these thoughts away as she neared him in the forest. He was still sitting on the ground, legs crossed, and writing furiously in a journal.   
"Ben," she called out weakly, stomach twisting.  
He turned quickly, startled by her voice. His eyes couldn't meet hers. He breathed deeply, and buried his face in his hands, hair falling into his eyes. She walked over, and sat a few feet away, silently.   
"Ben," she repeated, "It's okay."  
He shook his head, jaw clenched, meeting her gaze. "No, it's not. I've held this in for three years. My thoughts are a mess, I can't focus, I can't use the force. I--" his voice broke, and he cried into his knees.   
Rey sat there, and felt strangely calm. She didn't feel anymore awkwardness, only comfort, sitting next to Ben. She tapped his knee, coaxing him to meet her eyes.   
She inhaled, "You don't need to worry. I'm still here, and nothing has changed. We know our stuff." She smiled at him, and awkwardly moved the hair out of his face.  
Ben turned red again. "I'm really sorry. I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." he paused and groaned, painfully, "Ahhh, I'm a mess." He shook his head.  
Rey stood to her feet, and reached out a hand to him. He took it, standing up, and she squeezed, smiling again softly.   
They walked back to the temple in silence. 

The group of padawans had dispersed into training pairs when they got back, but snuck glances at Rey and Ben. Rey tried to ignore them, but felt like climbing underneath a rock forever. She had never been good in the center of attention, and knew Ben wasn't, either.   
As they prepared to warm-up, Luke walked over to them, sensing something unusual. "Practice with the training sabers and tune in with one another... We'll begin in an hour, probably." He spied them curiously.  
"Is everything okay?" He asked, noticing the dejected looks on his nephew and pupil.   
"Fine," they said at the same time, before glancing awkwardly at each other.  
"Alright... Well, I hope so." He walked away, still eyeing them.  
Ben and Rey stood awkwardly for a few seconds, before Rey mumbled, "um.. get the training sabers, I guess."  
Ben obeyed, and they tried to duel, but the bond that they shared surged and felt stronger than ever. They could sense each other's every move, leaving them useless to surprise. Rey also was distracted by the surge of feelings from Ben that he had hid for years, all flooding into her consciousness. It was such a strong affection and heartache, she was devastated by its weight.  
After only a few rounds of fighting, they were exhausted physically and emotionaly. They collapsed to the ground, grasping for breath.  
"Why are we so worn out?" Rey heaved.  
"I think our bond was strengthened, and I can feel each and every one of the blows you get. It's like I'm fighting myself," He wiped the sweat from his forehead. It was humid by midday, and the heat wasn't helping their weakness.   
Rey nodded. "I know... Kriff, could Parren have chosen a worse day to tell your secret?"  
Ben smiled for the first time that day. "I know, you can't trust her." He met her eyes, and looked at her warmly. He was devastated that she knew, but happy he didn't have to hide from now on. She smiled back, calming down.   
"So what are we going to do, then?" she asked.  
"I guess just try to get through the sparring as best we can. I don't think this is permanent."  
Rey sighed, brows creased in worry. What if it was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, short chapter. I'm trying to decide where I want this to go. Do you guys have anything you really want to see? Is this getting boring? I don't want it to be boring. I love characterization but it can sometimes be a bit much. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! We got to watch TLJ in school today so that was fun. I love them so much!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He had come close to telling her a few times, in a game of truth-or-dare (which he despised), or, more recently, in a drunken state at a party hosted by the young resistance pilots. But he had luckily realized what he was doing, and trailed off before he revealed himself." (Chapter 4)
> 
> Digressing from the plot for an isolated chapter to explore the times Ben almost revealed his secret to Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still trying to figure out plot / I'm flooded with schoolwork, so here's a fluffier light chapter. Hope you enjoy!

"He had come close to telling her a few times, in a game of truth-or-dare (which he despised), or, more recently, in a drunken state at a party hosted by the young resistance pilots. But he had luckily realized what he was doing, and trailed off before he revealed himself."

Ben Solo had been pitifully in love with Rey Andor-Erso for three years, and it had been anythuing but peaceful. His heart had been through a hurricane of emotions, naturally, throughout puberty, but his unrequited (by his choice) love had not helped much. In addition to the depression he experienced, he felt anxious often, due to training, or social situations, but usually, because of her.   
In the early days of his affection, he struggled to meet her eyes, or to spit out a sentence without stuttering. He was a nervous wreck around her, always afraid he was embarassing himself, which he most definitely was. He wanted desperately to be cool and collected, like his father as a younger man, or like the charming, fearless, pilot Poe Dameron, but he couldn't help but be quiet, introverted, and intense. He was fearless in a way; he loved to fly and fight, and had no qualms of going on dangerous missions with his mother as a boy, but he was completely fearful in what he believed mattered. He would never have the courage to articulate anything that he felt, or brazenly kiss Rey on the mouth, or wow her with his valiant bravery. He was a skilled fighter, but under her eye, at first, he was hardly useful.  
But what terrified him the most was that she would find out. He knew that if she did know his true feelings he wouldn't have to hide anymore, and she would potentially love him back, but none of this felt promising enough for him to take that chance. However, there were a few instances where he came close.

Rey had not stopped chattering about Finn's birthday party for a week. She was only thirteen and had a silly crush on the handsome student of battle strategy at their academy, and nearly fainted when he invited her. He was older, and sooooo nice, and super cute, and Ben was absolutely sick of hearing it. Finn was much more sociable and well-liked than he would ever be, and a loyal follower of Poe Dameron, the heartthrob of the academy. Rey, although an odd Jedi duck at heart, wanted so badly to be apart of the cool kids: Poe, Finn, Connix, Jessika, Rose, all the older pilots and operations controllers that would soon negotiate with leaders and hop into planes, not meditate in solitude and use weird mind tricks.   
She brought along a reluctant Ben to the party, a casual affair held on the beach. She was nervous but excited; Ben was nervous and nauseous. Finn beamed when he saw Rey, his new friend who seemed to like him a lot. He was less excited to see Ben, who he had been slightly afraid of for years. He led them both around, showing them the abundant greasy food and sweets, the holo games, and the dance floor. Kids their age were mingling around, carrying glasses of teal juice and wearing shiny, glittery clothes, making Rey feel plain in her usual tan robes. But she soon fell into the rhythm of the party, feeling good to have Ben by her side as a go-to friend if she didn't know anyone else. Ben watched as rey flirted with groups of boys his age, all slightly frowning at him, charmed by Rey. He felt miserable. They were all classically handsome, clean-cut, with classy jackets and pretty eyes. He felt like he stood out, awkwardly tall, still suffering from acne, and unable to talk to anyone. He felt a low panic rising, but tried to ignore it and listen to Rey, his eyes never leaving her pretty face.  
Finn called for everyone's attention, as he had a few other times in the evening, for Mattberry chugging competitions or dance contests. He told everyome to get in a circle: they were going to play truth or dare! Ben groaned, he would actually have to talk to people. He sat next to Rey on the sand, raising his eyebrows at her. "Hope you dont embarass yourself," he teased.  
Expecting her to tease back, she instead nodded, looking nervous. Perhaps she was just as awkwardly in love as he was.   
The game commenced, and a few girls and boys were dared to jump into the cold-at-night water, or kiss in the tent. One girl revealed her biggest secret: that she was terrified of porgs, which Ben chuckled at.   
Ben was actually enjoying himself, listening to the quirks of his peers and watching embarassed boys sing their favorite songs loudly, that he didn't notice he was almost up. When Finn asked him truth or dare, he blanked for a second. He was so overwhelmed with the eyes around him that he forgot the question, before stammering out "truth." At least this way he could lie.   
Finn's friend mischieviously leaned into his ear, whispering something. Ben swallowed, nervously. "Who was your first crush?" He asked. The kids around the circle laughed, the question was aleady a juicy one but they were sure that Ben Solo had never felt that way.   
"W-what?" Ben frowned, stomach churning. "Just, who was the first person you liked?" Ben didn't know what to do. She's sitting right here, he thought, but he couldn't say that. He glanced over to Rey, who was looking at him, worried he was embarassed. Not leaving her eyes, he heard himself say, "I've never liked anyone." The group booed but moved on, not caring too much that he had avoided the question. But Ben felt devestated, angry and upset that he couldn't tell Rey how he felt. He told her he needed to go to the bathroom, but instead walked to the other side of the beach and waded in the water, the lantern light guiding him.  
The waves were so loud that he didn't hear Rey approaching him. "Hey."  
He turned toward her, startled. "Hey," he responded.   
"I hope you didn't feel embarassed back there. Finn is really nice, just a little scared of you."  
"No, no, I... I just wasn't really telling the truth, it just caught me off guard."  
Rey's eyes widened. "Oh really? Who do you like?!"  
Ben reddened, and looked down at his friend. "It's a secret."  
Rey shook her head. "I don't really think I like Finn anymore. I'm not really one of them. I'd much rather hang out with you than pine for the attention of them, even if they are pretty cool."  
Ben turned his head to Rey, smiling. That was all he needed to hear that night.  
They stood in silence, watching the waves and huddling together under Ben's cloak as the wind hit their faces.   
It seemed that they were perfectly made to be best friends, and Ben could be okay with that, even if it meant he couldn't kiss her cheek right there.   
Best friends.

Ben was eighteen and Rey sixteen at a party with all of the older students, some in the flight academy, some training for war strategy, some philosophy, and their own seperate jedi academy. The teenagers gathered that night because they were off for a month-long break from formal training, able to rest and travel and do whatever. Rey and Ben were older now, and given an unspoken invitation from the older students.   
The party was at an abandoned flight hangar that was mainly used for recreation (and as a makeshift ballroom). Rey had dragged Ben along, who still hated social engagements but was more confident now than his pubescent days. They were still each others' social security blankets, always there to talk to in awkward moments.   
Rey was excited for the party; she had been waiting a few years now to get to go to the parties whispered about between training sessions, where people drank so much Kyrf they passed out. It was frightening but so exciting at the same time. She had been under the wing of her parents for years now, and was ready to let loose. Even Ben wasn't terribly dreading it: he had been drunk a few times and felt largely more confident than his usual self. He had been welcomed to the parties for a while now, but only wanted to go if Rey could, too. It seemed a nice opportiunity to spend time with her less inhibited.   
Rey dressed in clothes she imagined people wore to parties, which, to her, was a light sleeveless purple top with delicate embroidered flowers and light brown leggings, and her less-dirty boots. She kept her hair down, and let her mother apply some color to her cheeks and lips. She didn't usually enjoy dressing up, but felt giddy as she looked in the mirror. Perhaps she would dance with another boy. She was thrilled.   
When she arrived at the hangar, which she walked to on foot, she immediately sought out Ben, after feeling slightly anxious. She was one of the youngest there, and although she was at the same level as the older kids and tall enough to pass as one, she felt out of place.  
She spotted him looking out the window to the ocean, looking deep in thought. When she called out his name, he turned, and flushed, she looked even more beautiful than usual. He remembered himself and smiled at her calmly.  
"I can't believe I'm here," she said, quietly, smirking. "I'm glad you decided to come. You look nice," she said, smiling at his face. He was quite handsome, especially with his hair combed back and in nicer clothes. He seemed taken aback. "Thank you. You look lovely." he smiled, and she blushed. He always had a way of making her feel special; she had never been given compliments like these from any other boy.   
Ben, with an imoish grin on his face, quietly looked at Rey, and assuming an older voice, said, "Well, can I get you a drink?" They laughed, but walked to the table of questionable liquor in a mutual understanding.   
Ben handed Rey a shot of something, and laughed as she coughed at the bitter taste. She rubbed her tongue and grimaced, "eh, what is that?"  
Ben squinted at the lable: "Corellian whiskey," he laughed, and poured himself a bit, before adding a decent amount of water. He wasn't going to pretend he could handle the taste.  
After Rey poured a glass of a lighter drink, they joined a group of other padawans playing cards at a table. They sat there for a decent amount of the night with the rowdy group. Bets were placed high and the cards were played fast. Rey felt completely effervescent around them, falling into a delicious drunken haze. She happily noticed that her tall, quiet friend seemed to come out of his shell thanks to his drink. He was laughing loudly, making jokes (jokes!) about Master Luke, like the other padawans at the table.   
"Oh, you guys. You guys. This one time... When I was like, what, eight?" he took a sip and laughed, "I caught Luke watching a Holo! It was like, erm, one of those cheesy ones where they fall in love! He never lets us, but he was!" He bellowed into a fit of laughter, and the rest of the group followed suit.   
Rey stared at him, laughing, but after a while, gazed at him peacefully, deciding he was the most handsome boy she had ever seen. She touched his lovely soft hair and smiled widely. "Do you want to go outside for a little bit?"   
Ben choked on his drink, absolutely ecstatic, and nodded. They tripped to the balcony, and looked out at the sky, continuing to smile at each other. Rey pointed to various constellations that her father promised to take her to someday, telling stories of each. Ben just gazed at her, chin in his palm. She was asolutely breathtaking in the moonlight. Her shirt reminded him of the first time he noticed her, like this. The purple flowers looked like the everlilies. She was the most beautiful he could ever imagine. He heard himself say, quietly, "Rey, do you remember that night at Finn's fourteenth birthday?"  
She nodded. "I never told you who I liked." He could have sworn her eyes looked slightly saddened, that he would tell her he liked one of the other students.  
"The reason I never told you was because..." he suddenly sobered a bit, realizing what he was about to say. He couldn't tell her, not like this. Hw wanted to so badly, but, couldn't.  
Rey nodded, expecting more, but he only said, "...because, it was a secret." He laughed, remembering how he said those words that night.   
Rey laughed too, but looked hurt.   
She turned to Ben, and kissed him on the cheek. "You know you can tell me," she said, earnestly smiling at him, before walking back into the party.   
He followed her, shocked at what had just happened. Would she... respond well, if he told her? Why was he always so afraid?  
When he found her again, she suggested they walk home. It was in the middle of the night at this point.   
They walked the path back to their respective houses in silence. "How are you feeling about the test this fall?" She asked.  
"I don't know. I think that we have everything we need to pass it together." They arrived at her house, and Rey turned before going inside.  
"Me too."   
Ben resolved that after the test, after they became knights together, he would tell her. For the first time since he was fifteen, he felt she might like him, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaahhhh i'm sorry i keep leaving y'all empty handed but its about the process ya know? what does that mean. who knows.
> 
> I promise they'll get around to each other soon, but you probably already know that!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the regular plot! I SUCK at writing action so I apologize, it's just kinda choppy. oh well.

When the test finally began, Rey and Ben waited silently with the other padawans, practically about to throw up from nerves. They felt so off-balance. It wasn't weakness--in fact it felt like great strength--but they weren't used to a bond this strong. They had been used to a gentle bond for two years that was close but allowed for privacy and individual thinking. Athough it was hard to get used to at first, they learned to manage the closeness and it helped their training eventually. But this was so intense.  
Their first exercise was blocking blasts from a simulator using only the force. A few padawans went ahead of Rey and did exceedingly well, seeming focused. This only made Rey more nervous than ever. When she stepped onto the training area, she felt so much emotion flooding into her consciousness from Ben; admiration of her, fear for her, fear for himself, that Rey nearly collapsed from the intense anxiety that culminated from the two. She suspected it went both ways, too, because Ben looked woozy.  
She tried to calm but with each blast she missed or was unable to stop it, and felt the intensity after each ball of energy hit her body. She could only stop a few, and they hardly missed her robes. They finally stopped and she collapsed, head hanging low. She trudged back to the waiting area, sharing an intense worried look with Ben, who already felt the impact.  
As Ben began the exercise, he did hardly better, having only a bit more control; as he was used to more emotion than Rey. But he still failed the test, looking hardly trained in comparison to the other Padawans who were usually barely average.  
A few more exercises like these commenced: moving objects, intense meditation, and a test of jedi history philosophy, which even that they both could not focus on. Ben, usually well-versed in Force philosophy, struggled to explain the basics of the Jedi Code. His mind was in a million places, it felt.  
Luke called for a break and they were able to pause. Rey and Ben went into the forest and stood in a small clearing.  
"I don't think I'll pass." Rey said to the ground, tears brimming. She was angry. Angry at her luck but also at Ben and his damn emotions. She was completely prepared to become a Knight and begin defending peace in the galaxy, to eventually become a master. She hadn't planned to fail what should be an easy test. She felt cheated, all because of feelings her counterpart had been to cowardly to share.  
He remained silent. "How could you do this?" she shouted at him, tears streaming down her face. "I didn't want this! I've worked my whole life for this goal, and you've ruined it! You wanted so badly to be in control but instead you lost it all. Why couldn't you have just trusted me? Did you think I would laugh in you face? You're my best friend!"  
Ben opened his mouth and hung his head. "I was going to tell you. I really was. I didn't plan for any of this either."  
"Why did you not trust me?"  
"I do trust you, Rey! I just, couldn't bear to take the risk that you, might reject me!" He was shouting back. "I was afraid all of this would happen. That my stupid feelings would ruin everything, and they did! You are the most.. important thing, to me. I couldn't bear to lose you." His voice broke and he helf her face in his hand.  
"Ben, you were never going to lose me." They stared at each other's eyes and felt a wave of peace wash over their bodies. It was as if the Force was trying to speak to them. They suddenly understood everything each other felt.  
The bell rang from the Temple, and they ran back, somehow sensing that it would work out. Their last test was a lightsaber duel, which they both felt they could hopefully make work.

"Your next test will be a sparring session, but you will not be able to duel with your usual partner." The padawans gasped, and Ben and Rey looked at each other with worried faces. Akial, a proud and outspoken boy, shouted over the commotion, "but Master Skywalker, we have only trained with specific partners for years. A change would be detrimental to our success,"  
"Then I suggest you do well," Luke said, cooly. "Many of you have your own specific bonds and you must understand their value by severing them. Our force sensitivity is what connects us, syncing us with the Force in order to work to the highest degree. You must learn this."  
Luke then proceeded to create the oddest pairings that seemed almost unfair, like the large, heavy, round Jaresh with the slender and clever Na'daz. Both skilled in their own ways, but not so evenly matched.  
Ben was paired with the proud Akial (who had always harbored strong resentment for the aloof prince), and Rey with Parren, who she currently wanted to actually kill.  
They waited, sitting on the ground, while the other pairings dueled. There was always a winner and a loser, but Luke wanted to see technique and skill, which the Padawans readily showed.  
Ben tried to distract himself by making small-talk with his partner, but only received taunts and cold eyes. He was afraid. He hadn't battled another padawan in months, to focus on his permanent parttnership with Rey. Akial was so different than her. He was tall, with dark olive skin and curly black hair, piercing grey eyes, and a fierce, ruthless style of fighting. He was one of the best, and knew it. He had hated Ben for years for being favorited by the community when all he had was emotions and a strong force signature. Akial was ready to defeat him. Rey and Ben were competitive and always wanted to best one another, but always in a light, respectful, mutual way. He missed the warmth of their dueling already.  
Rey was silent to her partner, who reciprocated in the same way. She was also terribly afraid of the girl; she was much taller and more muscular than Rey, who was slender and toned. She knew it would take all of her might to stay alert.  
Master Luke finally called Ben and Akial, and then Rey and Parren also. "You will duel at the same time, and have to work around the other pair."  
Rey frowned, sensing the same confusion from Ben. They were in a different situation from the others and would feel double the impact if fighting at the same time. Rey sighed. They were finished. With nothing to do but follow orders, the four took battle position and the fight began. Rey, Parren, Ben, and Akial drew their purple, green, blue, and red sabers respectively.  
Parren and Akial both were ruthless, charging at their opponents with ferocity Ben and Rey were not accustomed to. Their friends cheered in the audience, watching the outsiders taste defeat. Rey fought desperately, tripping over her feet but fighting to stand her ground. She felt each blow Ben was hit with and grew weaker and weaker. She had sinch marks on her robes and a nasty burn on her arm, and she and Ben were both close to defeat.  
Suddenly, simultaneously almost, Ben and Rey had an epiphany. While they shared the same weaknesses and hits, they had double the stamina and an extra viewpoint. They both realized this and felt a shoot of energy in their bodies, and saw in their minds their own movements from each others' views. All at once Rey and Ben began to fight back, using their combined strength to be a step ahead of their enemy.  
Eventually the individual pairings disappeared and it was team against team. Ben knocked Parren to her feet while Rey kneed Akial in the stomach. Their minds had won.  
The cheers switched at some point, and with Ben and Rey in victory, they roared. They helped their opponents back to their feet and Luke ushered in another pair, but silently smiled at Ben and Rey, as if to say, "Have you figured something out?"  
After the rest of the duels were done, Luke completed the test with the jedi creed and dismissed his pupils. Rey sighed. The day was over. It had not gone as expected, but once they began to work together they had actually been successful.  
She waited for Ben to gather his things in the forest clearing. It was now dusk, and they were hungry and worn. She felt the soreness in his bones, the guilt, and still the love.  
"Hello," she heard from behind. He handed her her cantina. "You left it."  
"Thanks," she took a sip, and they stood in comfortable silence for a moment.  
"I'm sorry I got angry earlier, that wasn't called for. You didn't mean for any of this to happen."  
"I was going to say something, you know."  
She looked up at him. "I decided after that party where we got drunk for the first time that I was tired of hiding it. At Finn's birthday party I didn't answer about who I liked because the answer was you. I was going to elaborately tell you after we became Knights." He met her eyes and smiled at her, cheeks bright red.  
Rey blushed, too. "Really? I always thought you just didn't trust me enough with your secret. What were you going to say?"  
"Ehhh, I dunno. I guess something along the lines of, I'm hopelessly in love with you and have been for three years, is there any chance you could ever love me back, type of thing."  
Rey gasped, breathless. "You love me?"  
Ben nodded, gazing at her earnestly.  
Rey looked up at his beautiful face, and leaned forward and kissed him, grasping his hair and his tunic gently. When she pulled away, she had tears in her eyes. "Of course I could love you back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope your heart just got a bit warmer.
> 
> I wasn't planning on making that so dang SWEET but idk i just went with it! I hope the force bond stuff makes sense.
> 
> If you liked this please leave kudos and comment, and also if you want more precious fluff read "you always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows!" ( https://archiveofourown.org/works/14598681 ) It's a really sweet one shot that is basically these same characters in a more canon universe. 
> 
> love you guys! as always if you have any suggestions of stuff you'd like to see I'm all ears! thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad to put this story to and end, but I wanted to finish it up before I go away for summer. I've learned so much from writing this fic and I'm forever grateful to everyone who left kudos, commented, and bookmarked this story! You guys kept me going! Promise I'll be back. 
> 
> Enjoy! <3 led_lights

Ben stared back at Rey, tears beginning to fill his eyes. Did she just say she could love him?  
He grasped her desperately, pulling her so close that they both held onto each other for dear life in a sobbing mess. Their bond exploded, and ever feeling they had ever felt toward the other was screamed out. Eventually they pulled apart awkwardly and Ben's stomach grumbled, reminding him that he hadn't eaten all day.  
"Do you, do you um, want to, uh.. come eat something with me?"  
"Is this our first date?" Rey smiled. Ben's ears became pink as he shook his head, "I mean, I dunno, I just was hungry. If you--"  
"Ben! Yes, of course! I'm just teasing you!"  
"Oh."  
They walked back in silence to the Solo property, and worked together to muster a force block for Ben to slip into his kitchen, grab some food, and slip out unnoticed. His parents liked to intrude, and he didn't want their hour-long relationship to end before it started.  
He came back outside with a small bag of scavenged food from his pantry, including some sweet cake that Rey had dreams about at night.  
"I have a spot," Ben whispered, and began to jog, Rey following behind him. They ran less than a mile uphill to a cliff overlooking their community, facing the sun, which was now fading in the sky. It was mesmerizing in pink and purple.  
"It's beautiful," Rey breathed.  
"I come here sometimes to write." He stared ahead, then looked back to Rey, who he almost couldn't believe was real. "I always blocked that. Sorry. I just didn't want you to see what I wrote."  
"What did you write?"  
Ben blushed again. "Oh, I don't know, my feelings, and stuff, and a lot of poetry. About you, my family, my life, you know... stuff."  
"Maybe someday you could show me."  
Ben smiled. "Someday."  
They unpacked their treasures: a grainy loaf of bread, canned vegetables, a blue pudding, Rey's cake, and a tiny flask of whiskey. Ben held it up and winked, "to celebrate!"  
They sat and stared at the sunset, feasting and drinking while talking about how crazy the day had been, what they planned to do now, and how the felt about each other.  
"I hope you don't interpret this the wrong way," Rey started, and Ben flinched. "I just, I never felt strong feelings for you... But now, I feel like I've been blind this whole time. I don't know how I went so long without feeling so strongly for you."  
Ben smiled again, looking at the sand, before meeting her eyes again. Ben leaned back on his elbows, and Rey leaned over him, staring into his face. "Ben, I love you. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm afraid I feel like we're going to be together forever."  
"Don't be afraid, I feel it too," Ben said, looking at her rosy thin lips. Rey leaned down and kissed him again, but this time longer and deeper. They both laid on the ground, holding each other until the sun set.  
Everything else in their lives seemed to disappear as they caressed each other beneath the sunset.

Four Years Later  
Rey and Ben vigorously met in a passionate kiss after the ceromony was complete. They were finally bound together in marriage. It was the happiest day of their lives. They pulled away and faced the crowd, that was seated in front of a steep cliff overlooking the area they grew up and trained in. Rey and Ben's ecstatic faces were met with similar ones from Leia and Han and a far more teary-eyed Jyn and Cassian. Finn and Poe whistled and Connix cheered. Luke stood in silence, but his eyes were not completely dry.  
The two padawans who never seemed to fit in with anyone besides each other had finally made a lifelong bond. Ben's best friend would be with him for the end of his days,


End file.
